The Power of Really Listening

Do you ever wonder why adults or children don’t listen or talk? Did you know that 90% of “behavior problems” come from young people wanting adults to listen to them? Medical studies report that the number one request from suicidal teenagers was for adults to listen to them. Really listening is the most important ingredient for building healthy relationships, strong leadership, and thriving organizations. Feeling ignored and misunderstood is painful whether we are six or sixty years old.

Listening is not an innate skill. It is a skill that must be leaned. People in all walks of life like to be listened to. In fact, it is a basic emotional survival need to be heard and understood. If our basic needs are not met it is understandable, then, that we feel frustrated and don’t feel like communicating. If we feel heard and understood, we feel valued and appreciated and naturally feel like opening up and grow closer and healthier relationships.

Below you will find one of my favorite “Listening” quotes.

“When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you’re trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
LISTEN: all that I ask is that you LISTEN, not talk or do – just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, not matter how irrational my feelings, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about this business of understanding what’s behind them.
So, please listen and just hear me and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn – and I’ll listen to you.”  
– unknown –            

A very important part of listening is making the other person feel heard, understood, important, valued, and respected, even if we disagree with him/her. To keep the doors open to effective communication we have to learn how to really listening and letting the speaker know that you are giving them your full attention. And remember that the best listeners focus on feelings, not facts. This will not only improve your relationships dramatically and create a happy home life, it will also make influential people want you as a friend and improve your business.

Learning to really listening can be quite the challenge. WE CAN
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Hilde Gross
Family Coach/Professional Speaker
Stress & Anxiety Relief Specialist
Tel. 619-379-7646

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